it hurts.

suddenly you talk to me again. suddenly you tell me, you'll spend the vacation with me.with my family and yours, one week together. you don't know, yeah you have no idea, what you're doing to me. honestly, i'm kind of happy of course. looking forward to see you, walking on the beach with you and swimming in the ocean. seeing you smile and looking into your eyes. but i know. i know that it's gonna start all over. i will miss you. i will miss you so unbelievable when you're gone. we've had it didn't we ? we already had a summer together, and after all i cried. every night. and i'm so, so, so scared that i will have to go through this once more.

we had it all, some months i called you mine. you saved me from my loneliness. you were my first and the only guy i ever really loved. and i can say with the whole of my heart, that i loved you - very much. and maybe i must confess, that i still do, but i don't want to ! cause now there will be a girl waiting for you at home. so i shouldn't raise my hope- you just wanna have fun in the sun ! while i'm daring you to need me . of course i didn't tell you. i'm too shy, yes, and with everything that we've been through, with everything that we've done - or better not done - it wouldn't be right. senseless. you don't need to tell me :) 

and yeah, i wish i wouldn't have to watch tv all night so that i don't start to dream about you. i wish i could forget the look on your eyes, when you looked at me in the bus. that i wouldn't still feel your hand on my arm . that seeing you in my head, doesn't make me cry anymore. but it's difficult and i'm confused. i like everything about you. oh, except that i'm taller then you when i'm wearing my heels, but secretly i don't even care about that. cute, like you are, did you tell me you want to go to the clubs with me tonight. i can't wait :) so i'm not sure if it's worth it. the fun the hurt. but whatever i will do, if it comes to you, i need you. and i will cry, and i will be lost and i will be lonely. but i'm gonna take it. for you, cause even if i'm always telling myself " oh god, i hate him. how i hate him, he's so snotty, and don't even so pretty " i'm doing it for you, cause i'm lying to myself. inside i know that i'm still searching for my fairytale, and frankly you're the only one i'm ever describing if it comes to my prince. that's what i call love ! love, and deepest hurt at the same time.

"darling, you don't know me, you don't even care.  yeah, you don't know me and you don't wear my chains .. "